A day in Kosovo

Another day begins..

the cock mistimes its wake up doodle doo by two hours and I scramble wearily out of bed. I’m late again. We are humans, we err. But cocks crow on schedule, don’t they!! They do…. But not here in Kosovo.

As the old Balkan saying goes.. “shit happens”

I perform the routine morning chores praying that it is my teeth I’m brushing and it is a toothpaste I’m using. The electricity report said 2 hours on and 4 hours off. Thanks to the friendly neighbourhood cock, I missed the “on” and so, if its “off” for the rest of the day I don’t really care as long as I can see the stairs when I get back home from work (so many days and I haven’t been able to figure out which way the steps turn in the dark).

But I guess that would be expecting too much..

Twenty minutes later, I’m ready to go, check my pistol in my holster, my ID card, my car keys, delicately rub my shoes on the back of my navy blue trouser legs (must remember to polish them tomorrow). After proceeding to lock a hundred doors and windows before I can safely say that I took the necessary precautions to secure my house (accommodation, in local parlance) from lurkers, I finally step out to a fine morning and a clear sky.

I offer a heartfelt thanksgiving for my UN car still standing in the driveway (with its windows intact) and bless the lurkers for sparing me one more time in their nocturnal quest for material acquisition.

I take a deep breath and go through the motions of starting my car (one of my colleagues once commented superciliously that it was not “my” car but UN Car no. 20890.. but I choose to take my time in learning..). I wriggle my way out of my lane, in reverse, to the growl of the powerful Toyota engines and the drone of the BFBS weather forecast.

..Macedonia and Kosovo – cloudy with light or medium thundershowers throughout the day, maximum temperatures 30 degrees.. he seems to be saying.

The sun beats down mercilessly at 9 am and between adjusting the sun shade and cleaning the windscreen, my eyes search in vain for a trace of truth in the prediction.

I guess the weatherman depended on the cock as well!!

Time to make this irresponsible bird the national enemy number one and impose sanctions on it till it learns to crow our way. BFBS seems to be saying something distinctly similar on the news.

I “work” in the UN Mission in Kosovo and that, for most people is a revelation in itself. Or maybe I should reframe my declaration to make it sound more realistic.. I am employed as a civilian police officer by the UNMIK for a period of one year and compensated at the rate of 71 dollars per diem.. (signed and stamped by the powers that be.) This explanation of my status here studiously avoids the misleading words lest unsuspecting gullible souls build their hopes on me.

Life shuttles between CTOs, the movie schedule at the SRC Auditorium and cursing the BMS that the elevator has ditched again. I try not to complain though… I come from a country with non-violent ideals and a tradition of endurance. The only area where I differ is that I don’t hold God responsible for mundane inconveniences, I blame the cock instead..

Many musings later, on the world situation, I reach the Police avenue and start the eternal hunt for a parking place. My experienced eyes suddenly spot a vehicle struggling to come out and I dart expertly with my hazard lights on patiently waiting for him to finish his manouevres. On his way out he signals to me that he left because he couldn’t get in, in the first place. I make a mental note to be less optimistic in future and continue my quest. I find one finally somewhere in the northern sector and congratulate myself on managing to get in expelling all thoughts of possible problems in getting out. Take life as it comes.. they said…

I reach the office after flashing my ID at familiar persons, they check because they have to and are told to, it's not personal and it is not even remotely connected to the fact that they know you work in the building and cannot be a potential threat. But then what would happen to the system if employees started using their grey matter.. that would be disastrous. What if they start asking for more money.. no way.. the present system works fine.. no questions.. just follow the rules.. its another story that the one who made these rules also went on CTOs and saw SRC movies..

This is a non family mission because the powers that be, no longer have families. They grew out of all that a few centuries ago. One does hear of frivolous events like mission marriages and things like that but then one shouldn’t take them too seriously and put pressure on the mission “way of life”.

Another word of gratitude for the elevator that confidently deposits me on the right floor and I am in my office and in front of my computer screen.

The internet works today.. this cannot be true.. I am about to become steeped in indebtedness for this day.. our daily mail..

My friends are overwhelmed by my promptness in replying to even their forwards… and I proceed to feed my hungry cells with information I could never ever use.

Between the coffee breaks and lunch breaks of my colleagues (who regularly arrived an hour before me and placed their proof, a rucksack on the chair, as stand-in for their own flesh and bones), I hasten to complete my “work” so I can play computer games with a clear conscience until I’m handed something to do again.

The cleaning lady comes in once every three days, the AC stops functioning once every two days, the printer takes in ten pages at a time every day and today is no exception.

I get a couple of phone calls for persons I have never heard of and send out a few jokes to a willing audience before I realize its 5 pm and hear the keys turning in the locks of the colleagues who came in an hour before me.

Some cheery goodbyes and raised eyebrows at the paperwork on my table .. hmm working!! ..keep it cluttered said the UN pundits.. who am I to disobey…

I decide to leave and while walking to my car, plan my strategy for retrieving it from its precarious position between a tree and a truck. Strategy in place, I reach my car to find a tree, yes, but no truck. Before I can begin my little jig, I see the inevitable Yugo parked across my path. A couple of YO YO and PO PO later I successfully begin my journey home.

I open the door and wonders will never cease.. the light shines warmly in my face. I trudge upstairs confidently heave my rucksack onto the bed, relieve my person of all accessories remotely police in nature and sit down to plan my evening meal.

Raw material in place, I walk towards the oven to cook my three course meal while listening to Tim Sullivan demolish someone on Hard Talk only to get stopped in my tracks with the inevitable.. it’s the “off” time again. Kosovo knows how to shut Sullivan up I think humourlessly.

Cook my meal with alternative sources of energy dismissing UN alerts on the dangers of using a gas stove.. hunger comes first.

Darkness gives you time to reflect on many things. One prominent thought that never fails to figure is “what in the name of God am I doing here”. Among other things, one dwells on a wide gamut of issues ranging from the problem in Palestine to the pile of clothes one forgot to iron while the “on” was on.

The gentle drone of the generator in the hotel next door serves as my lullaby and I am almost asleep when the cock crows again.. its 11 pm.. for God’s sake .. go to sleep.

Another day in paradise…..